Postpartum Anxiety: One Mom’s Story

I recently gave birth to my second child, my son Ewan. And I dealt with PPA for the second time. 

The first time I was not aware it was PPA, but looking back it clearly was. 

First experience: 

Immediately after giving birth and holding my first child, my daughter Faye, I needed to vomit. My husband ran to get me a sick bag and I used it while holding Faye for the first time. I didn’t think much of this. 

The second night in the hospital, I began to feel nauseous and got sick. I informed the nurse, she said it might have been something I ate. We went home the following morning and over the course of 5 days got increasingly “sicker”. 

The feeling of nausea usually crept over me around feeding time. I was attempting to nurse, and it was going quite well aside from feeling ill every time I would breastfeed or pump. We were supplementing with formula so I could rest and my husband could assist. I did some googling about breastfeeding and nausea, it seemed others experienced this and had some tips to mitigate the nausea which included staying hydrated and making sure to eat at least an hour before you nurse or pump. I tried this, and still I would get sick around feedings. By the 6th day postpartum I was afraid of eating because everything came back up, on day 7 I was still vomiting up nothing but stomach bile. 

We finally called the doctor and went to the hospital. OB triage saw us and we explained the situation to the doctor. She had never heard of this level of nausea related to breastfeeding, and assessed I needed fluids and I was administered anti-nausea medicine (Zofran). Also, she informed me my breasts were engorged and I needed to pump to relieve them. To her surprise as soon as I was done pumping, I vomited despite the fluids and the medicine. 2 bags of fluid later, some more anti-nausea medicine, and the decision to cease breastfeeding I was on my way home. 

The next day was my brother’s wedding, I was the MOH. I somehow made it through the day and did not get sick once. The nausea went away after a couple more days, so naturally I equated it with breastfeeding and thought nothing of it until May 11, 2021. 

I want to also note, I did also experience PPD (postpartum depression) and saut treatment for that. This is important for later.

My Second Experience

Going into my second pregnancy, I decided to not even try breastfeeding to avoid any feelings of nausea. My body had other ideas. 

Once again, the second night in the hospital (the night before discharge) I started to feel nauseous. Again, my husband and I told the nurse and the doctor. The doctor this time prescribed me Zofran immediately and said this could just be the way my body deals with postpartum. PPA is not even on my radar. 

The nausea continues, I don’t even make it the 25 minute car ride home without vomiting. Despite taking the medicine as prescribed, the nausea and getting sick continues. However, I start explaining to my husband other feelings I have around the nausea. I tell him my chest feels tight and my heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. He said that sounds like a panic attack and does some research and finds out about PPA, which neither of us were aware of. 

Once we realized these identifiers, I called my OB (the triage line) to confirm our reasoning. Those notes were sent over to my PCP (primary care provider) who set up an appointment with me the same day. My PCP prescribes my Zoloft (I was put on this after dealing with PPD). She conducts the appointment and assures me I am in fact having anxiety attacks and I am likely having PPA. Aside from my husband’s google searching, this is the first time the term is mentioned. She adjusted my medication and recommended I make notes around what is happening when the nausea is triggered. 

It took about 2 weeks, but the nausea finally subsided and the attacks minimized. After about 3 whole weeks, I was not experiencing any attacks. 

I want to share my experience with PPA so others are aware it’s out there, it could even be more common than PPD, but it’s not talked about nearly as much. My experience is also different from the normal PPA identifiers which are more centered around irrational thoughts, fear if you aren’t holding your baby something bad will happen, or other fears around being separated from your newborn. 

At no point did I have anxious thoughts like I could not handle 2 children, or OMG the baby is crying; however, my subconscious seemed to be in a state of panic. 

PPA is common in type A personalities (raises hand) and if you are experiencing any anxieties after childbirth, definitely let your OB know so you can determine the extent of your anxieties and if it’s normal mom worries or something more. 

Other tricks I used to combat anxiety:

• Yoga breathing
• Distraction (doing a chore, or knitting) – something to take my mind off of the anxiety
• Reminding myself the panic attack cannot hurt me (in the long run, I might get sick but it’s not going to kill me)
• Writing down when I experience panic to identify triggers
• The grounding technique 
  • 5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you.
  • 4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you.
  • 3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear.
  • 2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell.
  • 1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste.

I hope this helps raise awareness to PPA and anyone out there experiencing the same or similar symptoms is more aware of them and not just the more common PPA identifiers.